


With Love, Just a Moment

by SeanWilliamZan



Category: Insatiable (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Denial of Feelings, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:41:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeanWilliamZan/pseuds/SeanWilliamZan
Summary: Following the end of the second season, Bob was released from prison yet he could not shake the feeling of total powerlessness, and could not set himself free from the past. Things took a dangerous turn as days passed by.
Relationships: Bob Armstrong/Bob Barnard, Past Bob Armstrong/Coralee Huggens-Armstrong
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	With Love, Just a Moment

**Author's Note:**

> It needs to be warned that, at least for the first one or two chapters of the story there are rather detailed descriptions of suicidal thoughts by the protagonist. I do hope to bring Bob and Barnard a happy ending they deserved but the road to it is going to be long and quite painful. Despite my best efforts, I am not a native English speaker so there could be (are) some grammatical mistakes and other incorrect expressions... Comments would be greatly appreciated and the next update is probably going to be next week.

Of all those flower bouquets pilling upon his table in his hotel room, all those kind words from endless letters registered to him, all those Newspaper coverages of his proven innocence, none mattered.

‘You don’t need to answer it if you don’t want to but, may I ask how do you think of Bob Barnard as the mayor, and if you are planning to run again?’ He watched the reporter speak, instead of thinking how a shorter hair might suit her better, he is slightly more envious of her energy- the spark in her eyes was shouting _I am alive_ , a rather common state for this reporter, perhaps.

It was not until she called his name sounding concerned that he returned to himself, ‘I know Mr Barnard since we were very young, despite our… disagreements, I trust his ability for the position. In any case, I just want to go back to do my job’, he looked away from the reporter’s gaze and at his own hand ‘I am tired’. There he was, ending his first and last interview after he got out of the prison. After over a year of torturing thought of what went wrong, and how could he have enabled Patty to do what she did, after the anger and anxiousness that led to nowhere, he felt like he lost something important, though cannot point out what exactly it is.

He was back to his office in a relatively shorter time than he had expected. His father said nothing elaborately as per usual. Yet the ending of their conversation followed with an awkward hug, which was rather unusual. Bob knew that people around him are just attempting to set things back to normal again - as normal as the past was, yet he shook a bit more than he should have. It was followed by a sense of sudden regret so he exchanged little to no words with the older man before he is finally left alone in the office.

Bob sat down to the familiar chair and its comfort, it was silent around him. The place brought him some much-unwelcomed memories, here, Barnard confessed his love to him again and again, and just right there, Bob kissed Barnard almost reflectivity - like a _real_ couple. It was in front of the wooden door where they shed tears in the thought of having had to leave one another.

He thought everything was a joke and that was all that it is, ‘maybe it’s time to change the wallpaper after all’, he said.

Bob successfully managed to bury himself in work for the next few weeks, having cases at hand to prove him as the capable lawyer he always has been was reaffirming to some degree. Things were going well. But reality proceeded to get blurrier and blurrier daily. Having gotten used to no one listening to what he is saying, having had his truth denied, treated as a murderer, left him confused, and in the morning he kept on waking up with cold sweat dreaming of himself voiceless, utterly, _utterly_ miserable.

The clock points to five past nine, in an oddly familiar situation, he was in his car with nowhere to drive to. Brick stayed with him for the first week, but he had to go back to live with Coralee, he needs to focus on his studies now that wrestling does not seem able to provide him with the future he wants. Bob is proud of Brick - he always has, always will.

He reminded himself to think about his children. Meanwhile, he attempted yet failed again to repress the fleeting thoughts of his once lover. Bob thought about Barnard’s caressing in the morning, and how soft-spoken he was, soon the memory was tainted by Barnard’s disappointment, the hatred in his eyes, the venom spilt out his mouth and, all the distrust - it was unbearable. Bob had imagined those eyes looking at him as if he was no one, a stranger, a freak, and somehow it managed to make him feel worse than all those years of ignoring, antagonisation and stabbing in his back. In the darkness, at the front seat next to him, the metallic body of a newly purchased gun was reflecting the grimy albeit mellow streetlamp light. Bob sensed his hand moving towards the object and that he is losing control.

Why is it that, after all his struggles not to do so, he is back here again? Was this meant to be? What differences does it make anyway? He is caged, and he needs to do this. _Stop_ , his head screamed, and his heart is pumping so fast, when the salty, bitter taste of his tears touched his tongue he was finally conscious of the fact that he had been crying the entire time. There was no alcohol involved, no emergent phone call from his former protégé, no best friend to rely on - he laughed a little when he finally got a hold of the gun.


End file.
